Cake and the art a cake resistance....!

CAKE ABSORBTION AND THE ART OF BACK CHATTING A CAKE.
Put the cake in the mouth… Go to the gym and burn it off…
That seems to be the common belief within the office. However I am in a period of anti-cakism… I am resisting that cake urge because summer is coming and when it comes to the local beach, I am not going to be the one who has save the whale campaigners dowsing me with water…
What is it with offices and the need to bring cake in at every opportunity? We have had charity cake, birthday cake, cakey cake and hoorah someone has run a long way – let’s celebrate with a cake! Actually there is even a look we have a cake let’s celebrate a cake with a cake hoorah!!!
Admittedly cake and chocolate is my kryptonite. What makes it increasingly difficult is that my desk is located in eyeshot of the cake launch-pad desk… It is not fair! So the cake battle is quite paramount. I have been found in the chocolate isle of the local supermarket wrestling myself over a box of chocolate lint… Yes it was like a toddler having a tantrum where the angel voice in my head said virtue and the naughty voice said do it who cares? Well the angel and the demon had a bit of a wrestle themselves and left me with chocolate scarring! Advice to all – do not talk to the chocolates in the chocolate isle and do not shout, mutter of grab your self in anyway in plain view of the security camera!
Yesterday was a particularly difficult cake struggle. The cakes were in direct view. With little voices screaming eat me… I realised why some cakes are known as fairy cakes because the little voice calling sounds like a fairy!
Anyway the majority of people in the office know that I am on a pound shifting mission. So in honour of this they have arranged the cake along my desk divider. Now they are all clearly eating cake in plane view and wafting in front of my face. Oh let’s make the cakes dance in front of my face… Obviously jamming cake up my nose is going to tempt me…
I did not give in…. So finally my boss came over and advised me that by sitting at the desk in close proximity to the cake meant that I was absorbing the particles of cake through my skin therefore I had succumbed… Unfair? So my response was the following by mail:
Obviously not wanting to disagree with my manager, I would like to apply this theory to other things… To test it if you like. If your theory is correct then the office comedian and office reliable (to omit names) are sitting relatively close, plus we have chairs and desk furniture… If we apply that particular theory to them that would suggest that I was technically absorbing all this through my skin which would therefore suggest I was a living black hole.
Apparently my boss has generated his own alternative universe of cake absorption… The rules are only known to him and his imaginary followers…
Moral of the story: do not tell anyone you are not eating cake because it will create office uproar!
Second moral of the story: do not talk to the cakes in front of your work colleagues, ask whether they can hear the fairies or write about your cake issues.
Third moral of the story do not unintentionally absorb cake through your skin! Or allow anyone to convince you that it is possible!

CAKE ABSORBTION AND THE ART OF BACK CHATTING A