Darth Vader, the dark side and the disabled sticker.
Since we are all human, we all have off days. The virtues of kindness, joy and light evacuate and can be eclipsed. The result is the dark side taking over which, in psychology, is known as the shadow. I call this a Darth Vader day. Yesterday was that day for me…. We can’t all be perfect all of the time and in many cases most people can’t be perfect any of the time (no matter how much they convince themselves). So when the Darth Vader day arrives you just have to accept it and allow it to be. Rather than suppress any anger, rage or frustration I believe that experiencing it allows it to drive you and experience life to the full. If you suppress it it is like pushing it down and I believe the body repays you with uncontrollable flatulence or a bad stomach…
To me, when I feel anger, it is usually when I need to say no… Or disagree with something. If I do not say no I will have the incident buzzing around my head until I actually do say no. So Monday night is weigh in night for me… At the moment I am trying to shift an excess ten pounds, which has cleverly attached itself to my waist… So what better way to do that then to attend a weekly weigh in? Have you noticed with weigh-ins that as soon as you step on the scales you feel the need to confess everything that passed your lips?
In a rush, and already feeling a bit grumpy, I arrived at my car. And what has happened? I was blocked in. Not only was I blocked in, but on one side I had four inches to manoeuvre and the other side the person had actually parked on the double yellow line, on a corner and their bumper was actually touching mine! Why does it always happen when you are late? It was then the transformation began. The Darth Vader breathing increased and the dark side emerged… With the fight to remain calm, I took a closer look at the car behind. Did it have a dodgy hand break or was it light enough to life above my head. No. Worse. Booooom! It wasn’t just a car. It was a car with a disabled sticker in the window… What are you supposed to do with that? Other than adopt louder Darth Vader breathing.
I glanced around the road to see if I could see any disabled people who might own the car. Nothing… Then I stood for a moment and thought ‘hang on!’ Okay why is it okay that a disabled person did that with their car? Surely everyone should consider everyone else. I contemplated ringing the doorbells of all the nearby flats, but what was I supposed to ask? ‘Are there any disabled people in there who own car reg…’ I was completely flummoxed – it was not okay but I could not do anything about it. That is when the brewing began… I was angry but there was an ‘unfair card’ being pulled. I was supposed to not be angry because the person was disabled. In the end I simply got in the car and used both bumpers of the other cars to gauge my space. That is why they are called bumpers.
With a bee in my bonnet, I climbed on the scales at the weigh in and even worse I had gained 1.5 pounds… I reckon anger weighs heavier than fat! Actually in truth, during the week I had eaten one measly pizza. That was the only thing outside the dietary jurisdiction. To compensate I had been to the gym six times, been running, done abs and rowed for over an hour with the local rowers… And still a pizza had stuck to my body and would not shift.
‘But I only had one pizza,’ I said.
The weigher sighed, ‘carbs – make glycogen stores- that is what will be doing it… ‘
In that moment I was not only angry with being jammed in, the pizza was now on the list… Was I never going to be able to eat a pizza, chocolate or bread ever again just to remain slim…?
‘You probably have a very sensitive body – one which is very efficient,’ she said.
Brilliant – a body that is efficient and hoards pizza!
I have just discussed this with the office comedian and office cheeky. They have the following theory:
‘I would say that your body is not used to pizza,’ said office cheeky.
‘I suggest you increase the amount and frequency and you will build resilence to pizza,’ said office comedian with a certain look on his face.
‘Little and often…’ said office cheeky.
‘We know – we are your office dieticians,’ said office comedian contemplating eating yet another double decker whilst office cheeky filled a bucket with coffee and drank it through a straw!
So on the way home I called in at by best friend’s house. Her boyfriend wrestled the dog in the garden while I told them about the blocked in car.
“So what would you do?” I asked.
Mid-dog wrestle my male friend contemplated but was intent on extracting a dribble-imbued ball from the dog’s mouth. ‘Well there is no excuse unless the driver is blind!’ he finally said waving the drool covered ball victoriously.
My best friend and I frowned, ‘So what should I have done? Knock on all the flats and get a guide-dog to move the car.’
The dog and my best friend’s boyfriend stopped wrestling, looked at each other and nodded.
A little bit later, they served up dinner in the garden while I resorted to eating cucumber. They appeared a little concerned but I advised them of how efficient my body was. It was during this insightful moment that the dog adopted its best worming position and with a mad look in its eye appeared to be writing its name on the grass with his bottom. Of course that broke the atmosphere and made us all laugh. What’s more, the dog looked particularly proud of itself. I always find it amazing how dogs choose apt times to de-worm. This particular dog actually adopted that pose during a funeral and made a diagonal line amongst the guests while the eulogy was being read out. Well I left the house with my best-friend’s boyfriend demonstrating to the dog how to climb through the dog flap. It seemed the dog was enjoying watching the chap climb through and every time he went through the dog wagged his tail. Then when it came to the dog to go through the dog just sat and wagged its tail. I think that was a case of a dog training its owner!
So on my way home I came to the conclusion that I had to take action. I know this is bad and I do not profess to be an angel, but I think people need to be made aware how their behaviour affects others.
So I left a note on the car with the disabled sticker which said the following:
In the future please can you consider others? As you must be aware you blocked me in which made me late for an important meeting. Now I assume you expect me to consider you, well it should work both ways. As I currently see it – your behaviour was selfish and unkind. I think you should know that.
Moral of the story: if we all considered others - less bumpers would get bumped.
Moral of the story two: to lighten all dark sides employ a dog with worms.
Moral of the story three: don’t eat pizza if you want to be thin, don’t park where people can block you in and don’t eat your dinner (especially spaghetti) in plain view of a dog with worms!
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